The story begins with:
I realize that I want to express things in my own art. Changes, to be specific.
Lately I've been largely dissatisfied with my work, with the exception of my commissions. My commissions are always meant to interpret the visions of others, but what of my own?
I've realized as I riffle through my work lately that I've fallen into a rut of sorts. Pretty digital busts, yes, but lately I see little beyond that. I keep looking back on my older work (from when I was 15, dear god! I was more expressive back then than I am now, even though I'm better equipped right now!) and I'm much happier with the content of my work back then.
Too much decoration and prettiness, I say. I'm going to take a long break from just plain portraiture. I'm literally going to force myself into trying out the following:
- Lighting practice
- Emotive paintings
- Hell even still lifes, about damn time
Currently I'm in a 19th century art history course and we're on the 1890s now, with the Symbolists and all the turmoil of the Post-Impressionists. Maybe it's because of all of this talk of Baudelaire's modern painter and how artists "should reflect the modern state of society" that I'm feeling the threshold of a subject change again.
I wonder what they'll call this movement in fifty years. What exactly categorizes the art of the new millennium and how do I play a part, if even?
Every time I'm unsettled by my art, I get excited when I realize I've fallen into a rut because it means it's time to move on and experiment with something new.
Granted I won't quit the subject matter I normally do (OCs, fantasy, semi-realistic anime-esque, roses, lace, fabric, etc and fanart stuff), but I'm going to try to expand my horizons.
I mean, just a quick glance at my gallery and journals and you'd know even as a stranger that I'm an internal person. XD As a fun fact, I'm an INFJ, and I like to call myself the social open introvert. With all this introspection and exploration of characters as keystones in my psyche, I think... I'm done. Not done growing, but for now, I'm finally in a place where I'm comfortable with myself and no longer need to obsessively depict characters in my head in an attempt to convey personal emotions. In the past two years I've grown and changed exponentially, though I'm still very much me C: I have to update the things I draw with what I see!
I find that the older I get, the happier and the more peaceful I am. I can cleanly say I'm no longer depressed and I have a good hold on the occasional anxiety and suicidal thoughts--who doesn't get them these days, what with the way media exposes this to us and conditions us to believe a mental illness makes us "special"? But I've found that the calmer I am, the more preoccupied I am with actual day to day living, like my friends, my tasks, my goals, my homework, etc. The more this happens the less I introspect, and the less I introspect, the less I produce, well, "interesting" art.
Time for a bit of a change.
First on this list is Lighting. Man, if you ever take a look in my gallery, you'll notice I'm pretty terrible with it. Aside from frontal or off-camera soft white lighting, I can't do sunsets, or even plausible night scenes, or glows, or dark shadows. I know I draw well and I know I paint well but put light into the question, and... Yikes! I need some practice. Next is scene and perspective. I want to be an illustrator so I'm going to have to do my research and practice, practice, practice!
...Okay, okay, so I have one or two paintings queued to do still, uh, in my usual style, but I'll try to transition nicely into some experimentation Cx
...and the story continues...