sometimes i'm troubled

but that's okay.

prepare for tl;dr.

I borrowed my friend Jennifer's copic marker set and drew this at her house, in the soft cream-coloured, sunlight front sitting room that welcomes everyone. I used to hang out with her a lot two years ago, but now we're both in university and dealing with the fact that we have to grow up, find jobs, let go of some childhood dreams and wishes and move on.

the day before I went to her house I was hit with this crushing realization and it sent me on a two-hour long slew of tears, shaking, madness. "what if I can't? what if my parents' work to make my life better than theirs goes to waste because I'm not good enough? what if I'm not ready? I'm not ready." it got so bad I had to take my rabbit out and stroke her because I thought it might lower my blood pressure, or something. Luna let me rub her for an hour and that just made me cry harder. it was hard to hide my sobbing sounds from my family and I try not to trouble them with moments like these, but I managed to do it, and clean myself up in order to deal with this reality.

then the next day I went smiling and happy to Jennifer's house and that's how it should be.

sometimes I'm troubled, but that's okay. it makes for great fodder for art and every time I survive one of these cannibalistic, carnivorous attacks my brain does to itself, I try to remember that I'll grow stronger and things will be alright in the long run. I try to offer my kindness and compassion and leave pieces of myself where it might help because, god, don't we all need it?